by Stephanie Romero
(c) 2009 - All Rights Reserved
This past September, my husband and I celebrated 18 years of marriage. However, I consider that only about 13 years of that to be our ďspiritual marriage.Ē The first five years we barely managed to make it. We were doing it on our own. Then a wonderful transformation occurred in our lives when we both came into a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the One who healed our marriage and continues to keep us glued together.
Now lest you think we have this marriage thing down pat, let me assure you that we donít. We have those moments in our marriage when everything feels like a glorious experience. We are riding on the mountaintop of our marriage. We are at the very peak of our satisfaction in marriage and canít foresee anything getting in the way.
Then we also have those moments where everything just ďis.Ē Itís nothing exciting but there also isnít anything wrong. It is just moving along at a nice, comfortable pace. Those tend to be the moments that happen most often in our marriage. And I would guess is true for most of us.
However, then we also have those moments where we hit a bump in the road. Something happens and it doesnít necessarily have to be anything big, but we find ourselves greatly struggling with one another. Sometimes we feel like we may not even like one another. We get on each otherís nerves and everything seems to set us off. There is strife and dissatisfaction. I greatly dislike those moments, however, they happen.
Recently we went through a moment in our marriage like the one I just described. It was not pleasant. I had trouble sleeping during that time and in fact one night my anger toward my husband was so intense that I couldnít sleep at all. Thankfully I knew the anger was wrong. Even if my husband was absolutely, unequivocally wrong, my anger was not justified. I had to pray like crazy through that time. That was the key to unlocking the door to a less than magical moment in our marriage.
Holding on to anger, bitterness and judgment toward our spouses is draining. I realized that when I spent a couple of nights losing out on my sleep. He didnít pay the price, I did. But not only did I pay the price within myself but it was affecting my relationship with God. I knew that I couldnít come before Him with any requests without first making things right with my husband. There was a disconnection not only from my husband but from my Lord.
Shortly after this experience, I caught part of an interview with Lisa Niemi, who was married to actor Patrick Swayze. Patrick Swayze died September 14th from pancreatic cancer. In this interview she said that when they learned of his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, one of the things she thought about was wishing she could go back and make all the things that had been wrong in their marriage right. She wished she could go back and redo things.
I thought about that. Would I change the bumps in my marriage? I donít think so. Although some of those bumps were pretty intense and at times felt like the end was in sight, they made up every one of those precious moments of marriage. They kept my prayer life very active. I needed to connect to the One who could answer those problems in our marriage.
Marriage is filled with all kinds of moments. We cannot expect every day to be the same. We cannot expect every day to be a mountaintop experience. In fact, we should expect that most days it will just be humming along like normal. But then we also need to be prepared for those less than happy moments that will arise. How we deal with them, how we react, what we learn from them is what makes up a real marriage.
Good or bad, I trust every moment of my marriage to the One who has held us together and will continue to keep us together as long as we continually submit this marriage into His hands.
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